Your Heart Isn't Like Your Nerve Endings, Dear!
by Blinded Chubi
Summary: That is to say, your heart can feel, while every nerve in your body feels absolutely nothing. Itami is a girl with CIPA living in Ikebukoro as a bartender. Despite being a frugal bitch, she makes a friend and meets Shizuo Heiwajima: A person Itami can't stand in the slightest. But hey, this is Ikebukoro, and in Ikebukoro, your life HAS to change somehow: whether you like it or not!
1. Chapter 1

Itami Nibui was serving a no good drunk his fifth Grasshopper when she saw the mailboxes fly at top speed down the street. "God, not them again," she sighed, and turned to the window to watch the two infamous fighters along with the rest of the bar; if they were gonna waste taxpayer money in damages, she might as well get some entertainment out of it. A man in dreadlocks rushed into the bar and sat down, looking annoyed at the pair, but no too surprised. Itami raised an eyebrow. "What's up with you, love?" The man sighed and lay his head on the table. "My bodyguard has one major distraction at the moment," he began, "And at the worst time, considering that I have some dumbass gangsters after me!" He looked up at Itami. "Mind if I stay here awhile, Miss?"

Itami shrugged and tugged on her chocolate brown hair. "Nah, you can stay. So, what did ya do to piss off these gangsters?" She slid another Grasshopper to the drunk to her left. "More like they did something wrong. I'm a debt collector, and they refused to pay; so I had my bodyguard rough up a few of thir boys to let em know I was serious." He looked the window, and Itami scowled at the floor; she had her share of idiots who were in debt and had made her work her own damn childhood to help them. Mostly the money went to waste anyway on gambling and absurdly unwise investments. No, she wasn't gonna dwell on the past anymore... Just shut up and listen to the dreadlock man.

"Oh crap," he muttered as three men walked the street with baseball bats, all of them looking extremely pissed off beyOnd belief. The one in front kicked the door in, and pointed at dreadlock man. "Yo, Tanaka!" he obnoxiously called. The bar guests stared at the man yelling way too loud, and fell silent as the other two men walked in and brandished their bats. "You beat on some of my Dollars homies, and you're gonna pay!" They held up their bats, and Itami smirked. She waved the lead gangster over and her smirk disappeared. "Listen, idiot," she muttered,"If you Neanderthals are gonna fight, do it outside; don't waste my boss's money on cleaning up your mess." She pointed at the door, and he scowled. "I don't need to take any crap from a broad like you!" He grinned at the biggest guy in his posse and dragged Itami to him. "Yo, Yamamoto, teach this bitch what happens when you talk smack to a Dollar!"

Dreadlock Man stood up from his stool. "Hey, I was the one you were after," he said sternly, "Leave this girl out of it, Hiroshi!" Hiroshi ignored him and pushed Itami into Yamamoto before replying, "We're just keeping her in line, Tanaka..." Itami sighed. "Listen, Mr. Generic Hoodlum, whatever you think is gonna work on me, it isnt. Now run along." She smiled teasingly. "Don't you have some desperate girlfriend to pick up?" Yamamoto scowled and grabbed Itami's arm and twisted it behind her back until the entire bar felt a loud SNAP! Tanaka stood up and started to charge at Yamamoto, but Itami sighed. "It's alright, Sir," she said, sounding unfazed. "I'll take care of it."

She put her other hand down her pocket and whipped out a pen and rammed it straight into Yanamoto's right cheek. As he screamed in pain, she slapped him in her broken arm and scooped up a knife from behind the bar table and held it to the gang. "Now are you gonna leave, or do I have to get some blood all over my uniform?" Hiroshi's eyes widened, and he turned to his other cronies. "Listen," Cronie #2 said, "We have bats, and you have a broken arm; we ain't backing down! We're Dollars!" He picked up his bat and swung at Itami's stomach, hitting her square in the middle. She stood still, not crumpling in pain. Instead, she turned to the other patrons. "If I kill or injure him right now, it's self defense, 'Kay?" The stunned people, Tanaka included, nodded dumbly, and Itami slashed Cronie's left arm, making a cut three inches deep. "Ah! Ah! My hand! She got my ••••ing hand!" he yelled in pain, and she bit his other hand while she stepped on his foot. Yama had already walked out of the bar, and Hiroshi was the only one left. Itami held up the knife. "Guys, please leave now," she pleaded. "I might not have enough cash in my monthly budget for bleach to wash the blood here as is..."

Hiroshi squealed like a little girl and grabbed Cronie's good hand before dropping his bat and running out the door. Two seconds later, the entire bar (well, excluding Tanaka and Itami) roared with applause. Itami shrugged and went back behind the bar table and served another Grasshopper. As she tried to pour the bottle of green creme de menthe with her broken arm, it slipped from her hand and fell on the floor. "Huh, that's weird," she marveled, picking up her limp arm. "It's at a funny angle..." Tanaka stared at her. "You're kidding right?" he asked uncertainly. Itami frowned. "Kidding about what?" He frowned and said, "You broke your arm, obviously!" he said, pointing at her arm. Itami's eyebrows rose, and she tried lifting something else with her arm. Sure enough, it clattered to the floor.

"Huh, I did break it," she said, surprised. She looked over at Tanaka, and she shrugged. "Ah well, no biggie," she said, "I wouldn't be able to pay for medical bills anyway." He sighed and pinched his glasses. "Jesus, not another strongman in Ikebukoro," he muttered. He went behind the bar and led her out of the building. "Look, let me take you to the hospital," he offered/ordered. "It's my fault they attacked you, so I'll pay." Itami grinned. "Cool, I wanted to say hi to Yumi anyway!" she said, and Tanaka raised a dark brown eyebrow. Yumi?

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When they reached the hospital, Itami dragged Tom through the front door and to the front desk with her broken arm. "Hey Akira," she greeted breezily to the secretary behind a dark wooden desk. "How are you?" Tom took her other hand and looked at her, worried. "Don't use your arm so much; it'll only get worse," he warned. She sighed and shrugged. "Fine, fine..."

At this time, Tom saw Itami's mouth open as she stuck out her tongue at him and noticed about an eighth of an inch of her tongue was missing. She noticed him staring and closed her mouth immediately. "Take a picture, it'll last longer," she snapped, turning to Akira.

Akira asked, "What is it this time, Itami?" He sounded bored, and Tom scowled at him. "She has a serious injury," he curtly replied. "Do you mind being a little more courteous?" Akira raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "Look man, she's in here every other month with a 'serious injury'." He leaned back in his chair. "What did you hurt, Itami-chan?" She held up her left arm, still bent at an unusual angle. "Broken arm again, Akira-kun. Is Yumi-chan available right now?"

Tom frowned, confused. Wait, this girl was always in the hospital? What was wrong with her, not really reacting to have her damn arm break?! "Yeah, she's in," Akira answered, waving a nurse over. "You'll be in your reserved room, as usual." The nurse he waved over put Itami in a wheelchair and Tom followed them to a room with the label: Itami Reservation. She has a room just for her? Tom thought, incredibly bewildered. The nurse led Itami to a hospital bed and hooked up many IV's to her arms and left. "Sir," she said, addressing Tom, "We need you to fill out a form since you escorted her here."

Tom nodded, and the nurse left. Itami blurted, "My insurance company insisted that I needed a private room if they were gonna pay for all my visits, since I hated shared rooms as they cost more with my condition." She rolled her head around. " I have CIPA, you see."

"What is CIP?" he asked. Itami held up her arm. "It's short for 'Congenital Insensitivity to Pain." Basically, it means that I-" "Can't feel pain?" Tom finished. He tilted his head and asked, "Isn't it a good thing to not be able to feel pain though?" Itami's face turned dark. "Not as good as other ignorant people think," she said pointedly. "If I get sick then I wouldn't know If I needed to go to the doctor, for one." She held up another finger. "Besides, my body responds twice as slow to injuries, so it takes twice as long to heal." She scowled at her arm. "Not to mention the cost of my treatments made my parents even less money than they were already making. I injured myself a lot as a kid, too." She stuck out her tongue, revealing that small missing piece and then stuck it back in. "When I was five, I accidentally bit off a part of my tongue while I was playing at school."

Tom looked down, a little embarrassed by her offended tone. "Sorry," he said. Itami shrugged. "Meh, it's okay," she said. "Most people think I'm a superhero or something, so I guess you aren't the worst I've met." She smiled bitterly, and they both stared at the ground. Tom's cell phone rang.

"Hello-" "THAT DAMN FLEA GOT AWAY!" a voice roared through the phone. Even Itami could hear the man yell, and Tom sighed. "It's alright man, you'll get him next time," he consoled; Tom said that so much to Shizuo it was a downright bodily function. "So where are you, Tom?" Tom looked over at Itami and replied, "North Ikebukoro Medical Center..." He heard Shizuo's breath hitch, and he held he phone far from his ear. "WHO PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL?!"

Itami giggled at the voice; whoever this guy was, he had a serious anger problem! "Nobody did, jeez," Tom replied cooly. "I needed to take this girl to the hospital, okay?" "How come?" Shizuo asked. Tom shrugged even though his bodyguard couldn't see him through the phone. "It was kinda my fault... Anyway, could you come and meet me here? I'm in Room..." He frowned; this room didn't have a number. "Just go to the front and say you need to see Tom and Itami." Shizuo agreed, and Tom shut his phone.

Itami tilted her head as Tom slid his phone into his pocket. "Friend of yours?" she asked, and he nodded, making his dreadlocks swing a little. "I knew him in junior high, and when he needed a job I hired him as my bodyguard." Itami smirked and shimmied up her bed. "Not really a calm one, is he?" Tom shrugged, and a woman with platinum blond hair walked in, her white coat bearing a name tag: Yumi Nakisara, Chief ICU employee.

"Oh, hey, Yumi-chan," Itami said, waving. Yumi nodded and then looked over at Tom. "Do you have a delivery form for me, sir?" she asked, and Tom shook his head. Dr. Yumi sighed and handed him a form before going to Itami's bedside. "I can't believe how much slower we've gotten today," Yumi muttered as she examined Itami's broken.

As she put on an arm cast at lightning speed, Tom glanced at the form. 'List reason for injury...' he thought. "Hey Itami, what do I put for reason for injury?" Itami shrugged. "Fight with Neanderthalic gangsters," she said finally. Tom chuckled and wrote the rest of the form, leaving it on a side table for Dr. Yumi.

Yumi got up from her chair and handed Itami a piece of paper. "You know the drill for the insurance form, right, Itami?" Itami nodded and expertly filled out the form within seconds and gave it to 'Yumi-chan' , who tossed Tom a bottle of pills and picked up the release form.

"While I'm busy working with patients, could you give these to her? She just needs two right now." Tom nodded, and she left into the hallway. He gave the pills to Itami, and she swallowed them begrudgingly. "These taste like paint thinner," she said childishly, and Tom shrugged.

"Hey," he said slowly, breaking the silence, "Mind if I help you out for a while?" Itami raised an eyebrow. "You mean out of pity?" she asked, and he stiffened. "No, no; I meant it-" "I know, I know," Itami replied, smirking. "I was just messing with you, Tom." Tom breathed in deeply; this girl was a little annoying at times. "But anyway," he said quickly, "Maybe I could treat you to lunch... With a famous guy in Ikebukoro?" he offered, thinking of what she would want.

. Itami flashed Tom a half smile. "A free lunch? I'm in!" She got up and hopped into the wheelchair on her left. "We can meet your bodyguard downstairs; I can't stay cooped up in here any longer if I wanna stay sane!" Tom nodded, and Itami rolled herself at top speed into the elevator with him. "You're pretty good in a wheelchair," he remarked. Itami shrugged and replied, "They never let you leave without riding in one, so I've had a lot of practice."

When they reached downstairs, they heard a muffled voice arguing with Akira at the front desk. "What the hell do you mean 'Family visitors only'? Tom said to say 'I'm with Itami', whoever that is, so let me in!" Tom sighed, and Itami frowned. "This bodyguard of yours better not be scaring Akira-kun," she said coldly. Tom stared at her, and she blushed. "Look, I don't like big strong bullies," she defended, her voice rising a little. "That isn't a crime, is it?" Tom shrugged, and the elevators hissed open to reveal-

A familiar blonde head glaring at Akira, who looked like he was about to shit a brick in fear. Itami's mouth dropped open; that was Shizuo Heiwajima. Shizuo, as in, the annoying guy making the city pay for his damages. As in the guy that always snapped at the slightest thing like the freaking Hulk. As in the guy that was scaring the crap out of Itami's first friends here!

Tom pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's like a kid with ADD like this," he sighed, and Itami rose from her wheelchair. "I take it this is the famous guy we're having lunch with?" she said stiffly, and Tom nodded.

Akira had gained some of his old pretentiousness. "Look, I don't make the rules. Besides, I would know who Itami knows; definitely not a brawn-without-brain guy like you, sweetie." Shizuo was clearly about to go over the edge, and Itami saw his fists clench. She bolted from the elevator and felt a lot of numb pressure on her left cheek, and Akira flinched in fear as he saw Shizuo's fist hit Itami's face like a battering ram.


	2. Chapter 2

Tom ran over and held Shizuo back as Itami glared at him, still standing. Itami ran her tongue inside her mouth; apparently that was blood coating her tongue. Shizuo's eyes widened in surprise, and he stared at the girl that appeared out of nowhere. He gained his words immediately. "Are you crazy, jumping into someone's fist like that?" he asked, and Itami took one deep breath before slapping Shizuo across the face with the back of her hand.

Tom bit his lip, but let Shizuo out of his grasp; as angry as he could get, he never hit women. Itami glared at him and swallowed the blood in her mouth. "What's YOUR problem, almost punching a man who didn't even come at you first!" She pointed at Akira, still shaking in fear. "I know he can be rude, but for once would you just PLEASE stop hurting people and wasting taxpayer money?!"

Shizuo stared at her in disbelief; this girl really was crazy if she was acting like he was a bully or something. In truth, he hated violence, so why should he have to get treated like those jerks from school that would beat kids for lunch money? "Look, I didn't mean to hurt this guy," he shot back. "I just...couldn't control it. I dont like hurting people, ya know, so quit yelling." He tilted his head as she turned red and sighed.

"Fine, fine," she said hastily, scratching her head. "Did I hurt you with the slap?" Shizuo chuckled; that

'slap' was like a fly biting his hand! "Nah, I'm okay," he said. He saw Tom behind him. "Oh," he greeted, "Hey." A few silent seconds later, the trio noticed the lobby staring at them in fear and shock. Two voices snapped in unison, "What are you looking at?"

Shizuo and Itami stared at each other. "That was weird," Itami said, and Shizuo nodded. He looked at Tom and said, "Can we go now? These people are pissin' me off..." Tom nodded, and Itami waved at Akira. "Er, see you tomorrow Akira," she called back. "Yumi-Chan has my paperwork and hospital bill, so don't rip me off this time!"

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"So, where should we go?" Itami asked, poking her cast. "I'm starving!" Tom shrugged as they walked down the streets of Ikebukoro, as Shizuo stared at her. She glanced at him. "Don't you know it's rude to stare?" she snapped, and he pointed at her cast. "But doesn't that hurt your arm?"

Itami looked down and saw that she had slipped her arm out of the sling and had bent it at an even more severe angle. "Oh damn," she remarked before setting it back. She looked back at Shizuo. "To answer your question," she began, "It doesn't; I have CIP, so I can't feel pain in my body at all."

Shizuo tilted his head as they crossed a street. "Is that why you bit off your tongue?" he asked bluntly, and Itami stiffened slightly. "You noticed that, huh?" she asked quietly, and he nodded. "I wasn't gonna say anything though, but I was curious," he replied, and Itami chuckled bitterly. "Good to know you're so inquisitive..."

The trio stopped in front of a building with a sign reading: Russia Sushi! A tall black man was greeting random people in a thick Russian accent as he handed out flyers. His face broke into a big smile when he saw them. "Shizuo, Tom! Hello to Russia Sushi today," he greeted. "You want special new Cream Cheese sushi?"

Itami shuddered, and Simon saw her behind Tom. "Itami! How you?" He saw her arm, and his face turned dark. "You hurt again?" he asked, and she nodded before replying in Russian, "I accidentally broke my arm, but I think I made two friends today." She grinned and pointed at Tom and Shizuo. Simon chuckled. "Good, good; at least they aren't more doctors!"

They both chuckled, and Tom looked at Simon. "You know Itami, Simon?" The Russian nodded and replied normally, "Yes, Itami's aunt old friend of mine! She speak only Russian, teach Itami when she visit Japan."

He smiled wistfully. "I remember meeting Itami's aunt in Moscow. Both drunk; had fun sexy time and..." He noticed the three guests staring at him in shock. "I talk no more. Come," he urged, " You eat sushi now, yes?"

They nodded, and Simon led them to a secluded table. "You want eel, Itami?" Itami nodded eagerly and grinned. "Yep, as usual, Simon. Thanks!" Simon pointed at Shizuo. "You want sweet plate, Shizuo?" Shizuo nodded, and Itami smirked; he had the same taste in cuisine as a five year old! Tom merely said, "I'll have fatty tuna, same as last time." Simon nodded and smiled before walking off to the kitchen.

Itami stared at Shizuo, and he frowned. "Isn't it rude to stare or somethin'?" he asked, and Itami shrugged. "I'm just trying to see what you're thinking," she said simply. "You're weird," he finally said, and Itami grinned widely. "Like I haven't heard that before," she said casually. Tom watched the two like they were two hydrogen bombs; now all he had to do was see which one exploded first.

Shizuo narrowed his eyes. "What's up with you always acting sorry for yourself? It's annoying," he said. Itami frowned and replied, "I have rights to pity myself, that's why!" she snapped. She held up her uninjured arm to Shizuo's face; it had multiple scars and even two burnholes on the side. "Aside from the burns, those were all caused by me as a kid."

She held it closer. "Because I couldnt feel any injury, two kids in high school burned out their cigarettes on my forearm when I was waiting for my mom to take me home." Itami took her arm away and scowled at him. "I have nobody to blame for my injuries but myself. You can see why I would be a little mopey, wouldn't you?"

The strongest man in Ikebukoro wasn't accepting that. "To be honest, I see where yer coming from," he admitted. "But you can pity yourself without being annoying by mentioning it every time you freaking speak." Itami sighed. "I really can't take

self help advice from someone like you," she said wearily. He glared at her, and Tom prepared to keep Shizuo from turning the table over. Itami sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm guessing that you're about to go on a rampage again," she said slowly. "In any case, I'm gonna go outside for a while before you bean me with a bottle..."

She left the table and stormed outside, feeling tears spring in her eyes. Even if he was an ignorant jerk, he was right about her acting like a complete bitch all the time, and it stung to have someone finally tell her what she needed to hear. Itami sat down on the sidewalk and crumpled into tears almost immediately, burying her head into her hands (well, hands and arm sling).

Inside, Shizuo glared at Tom. "What the hell is wrong with her?!" he snapped, and Tom shrugged. "I had to make it up to her," he defended. "It was basically my fault these gangsters broke her arm, so I had to pay her back..." Shizuo tilted his head. "Your fault?"

Tom nodded as Simon set down two plates of sushi, and one platter filled with sweets. "While you were Izaya-hunting, I had to hide out since the guys we confronted this morning were after me without a BODYGUARD," he sighed. Shizuo scowled at the floor. "Not my fault that damn flea shows up when I'm working," he mumbled.

"Anyway," Tom continued as he took a bite of tuna, " She mouthed off to Hiroshi, so he had one of his cronies break her arm." He smiled slightly. "When she didn't even flinch, I thought she was, you know, like you." Shizuo inhaled 5 pastries as he listened to Tom. "After they broke her arm though, she still beat the crap out of them," he chuckled. "She even fought em off like you..."

Tom looked out the window and saw Itami crying in a heap on the sidewalk. "I think you hurt her feelings, man," he said, and Shizuo pouted while eating his sweets. "She had to hear it sometime," he said stiffly. Tom shrugged. "If she didn't already dislike you, I bet you two would've gotten along," he thought out loud, taking another bite of fatty tuna. "You guys are way too alike-"

Tom was cut short as he saw a slender young man in a fur lined parka and a devious smirk across the street. Shizuo sniffed the air like a bloodhound. "That's weird," he said slowly, "Russia Sushi usually doesnt smell like-" He glanced out the window and his jaw clenched when he saw Izaya walking up to Itami.

"IZAYA!" Shizuo rose from the sushi table and ran out the door. Tom, on the other hand, merely waved Simon over. "Yes? You need?" Simon asked, and saw Shizuo dashing out the door. He frowned and replied, "Shizuo... He go fight Izaya?" Tom nodded, and Simon sighed. "Usual order when Shizuo fight?" he asked, and Tom nodded wearily as Simon handed over a bottle of sake.

.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, you look pretty glum," a silken voice remarked near Itami. She looked up and saw a man standing in front of her, a catlike grin on his face. Itami sniffled and scowled at the familiar man. "I've already had to deal with that blockhead nemesis of yours," she spat, "I really cant deal with you too. Now please, kindly screw off."  
Izaya tilted his head. "Well that's not very nice," he remarked while holding out his hand. Itami sighed and took it to pull herself up. "Well... Thanks," she said, staring at Izaya. Izaya glanced at Itami's cast. "Your arm is out of your sling," he said, touching it lightly. Itami shrugged and replied, "Oh, lemme fix that." She roughly placed it back in, only to see had bent it at a worse angle again. "For the love of-"  
Izaya raised his eyebrows. "Shouldnt you be screaming in pain, miss..." "Itami Nibui," she sighed, bracing herself for Izaya to laugh at her. "That translates to 'Dull Pain', doesn't it?" he asked, still smirking. Itami shifted. "Yeah, but it isn't my fault my parents had ironic names," she defended.  
Izaya shrugged and replied, "Oh well, I have a strange name too." He pointed at the pills in her coat pocket. "Let me guess, you have CIPA or CIP, right?" Itami jumped. "H-How did you know?" she stammered, and Izaya smiled. "Those pills in your coat are for patients with CIP, which would explain not feeling that you were breaking your arm."  
She blushed. "You're pretty smart," she remarked, and a few seconds later she realized how stupid that sounded when talking to Izaya Orihara. "So, you said that you met my nemesis?" he asked, and Itami nodded. "Shizuo Heiwajima, aka the man with no tact or sense," she said bitterly. Izaya smirked.  
"I know the feeling," he admitted, sounding genuinely as bitter as Itami. She frowned. "Want some sushi?" he asked, and Itami stiffened. "Well...: I already ordered..." she trailed. Izaya looked inside and saw a blur of black, white, and blonde. He grabbed Itami's hand, and she looked at him in confusion. Shizuo  
slammed the door open and glared at Izaya. "Izaya! I told you to stay out of Ikebukoro!" he yelled, and Izaya waved at Shizuo. "Shizu-chan, what a pleasant surprise!" he greeted cheerily. "You didn't tell me you made a new friend, you know." He tapped Itami's shoulder.  
Shizuo growled and picked up a nearby vending machine. Izaya turned around and took Itami's hand. "If you're a fast runner, I think you and I will get along just fine," he said briskly before they both ran from a flying vending machine.  
"Shizu-chan," Izaya chided over his shoulder, "That could have hurt Itami-chan!" Shizuo yelled in defiance and ran after them until Izaya made a maze of turns until they lost him. "Sorry about that," Izaya said breezily, and Itami shrugged. "Why," she panted, "Does he hate you so much?"  
Izaya shrugged. "We've fought since we first met," he said, glancing out the street. "He always overreacts... At least he's entertaining enough sometimes." He dusted himself off and Itami looked around for a street sign. "Damn," she muttered. "My apartment is on the other side of town!"  
As she tried to hail a taxi, she realized she left her wallet on the table at Russia Sushi. "Grrr," she hissed, and Izaya took her hand. "You could spend the night in my office," he offered. His smile went dark. "If you were willing to pay me back."  
Itami crossed her arm. "I don't do prostitution, Sir," she warned. Izaya chuckled and shook his head. "No, no, not that payment," he laughed lightly. "But I'm guessing you would feel guilty if I let you stay without repaying the favor." Itami shuddered; he was a good mind reader! "Well, what would you need of me?" she asked, rocking on her heels.  
He thought for a moment. "There is a small favor that I bet you could do for me," he began. "All I need you to do is get Shizu-Chan to meet you at a certain address!" Itami frowned and felt a roiling feeling in her stomach; this didn't seem right... "Well..." she began, but then stopped. "I guess that would be easy enough," she finished uneasily, and Izaya grinned naughtily.  
"Excellent!" he said brightly, taking her hand. "Let's go now then; I'll give you the address when we get home." Itami let him lead her as she stared at him; she instantly felt bad for agreeing to help him, but strangely, she felt like she had to. Still... Something didn't feel good around him.  
She heard her watch on her wrist beep, and she frowned in distaste as they walked down the street. Izaya tilted his head, and she looked over at her coat pocket. "I have to take those pills every few hours, and my watch always tell me when to take 'em." Her hand slithered into her pocket and stared at the bottle, reading the all-too-familiar label on the side that read: WARNING, WILL IMMEDIATELY CAUSE GIDDY BEHAVIOR, FOLLOWED BY DROWSINESS. Itami looked back at her arm in a sling, then back at Izaya. "Er, I should warn you that I'm gonna act a little...weird on these," she said slowly, and Izaya smirked. "Ok...That should be entertaining!"  
Itami took two pills and swallowed them waterless, and felt them slide down her throat. "Gah, that tastes bitter!" she shuddered, her shoulders shaking in disgust. She walked on a few seconds later, walking side-by-side with Izaya. "So," she said uncomfortably, "Mind if I ask why you're helping me out?" He shrugged and they crossed a street. "Just because I need a favor in return," he replied loftily, "Not to complicated, right, Itami-chan?" She nodded awkwardly and Izaya stopped at a large and shiny corporate-looking office. "Holy crap, he really is loaded," she muttered, and Izaya led her inside. "Thanks for the compliment," he said, and Itami blushed in embarassment.  
Izaya herded her through a few guards and into a brassy elevator. "Mind if I ask why Shizuo hates you so much?" Itami asked, bored to death with the annoying elevator music. The infobroker shrugged casually. "I can't really explain it, but we just never got along, even the moment we met we know we were meant to hate each other. He is fun to play with though, so I don't dislike him all the time!" Suddenly, Itami bent over in a fit of suppressed giggles that evolved into slightly hysterical laughter. A few seconds later, she realized how she was acting and stood up to see Izaya staring at her strangely. "Uh... sorry," she said, hiccupping the last few chuckles of randomness. "I told you those pills would make me weird."  
He shrugged and the elevator doors slid open at the top floor. Itami ran to the nearest window and stared out the window, pointing at random things below. "That's a businessman, that's a car, and THAT'S a really bald security guard..." she said profoundly, and Izaya tapped her shoulder. She gasped and jumped; the pills did cause her to feel insanely heightened sense of touch (well, insanely heightened for her is what a slightly muted feeling is for normal people), and she bristled at the unfamiliar feeling. "Wha-" she turned and saw Izaya's hand on her shoulder. "Oh...Sorry, Eeeezaya," she said slowly, and she laughed again. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeezaya, that's clever, I should write that down..."  
Izaya smirked and put a hand on her shoulder. "You're going to be entertaining, Miss Itami-chan," he said cheerily, and she bristled again. "Waah, don't touch me so suddenly, Eeeeezaya," she moaned. "To someone like me it's like sexual assault and stuff... Oh well, you're sexy, so I don't mind." He led her into a large living room, and then waved at someone Itami was too busy staring at the bookshelves to notice. "Namie-chan," he called, "I have a guest staying with me tonight; wanna meet her?" Namie looked at her "boss" fiercely from her desk. "I'm too busy to babysit some idiot girl while you go out on business, Izaya," she snapped, and Izaya shook his finger. "Oh, please, Namie-chan," he said casually, "I'm only going to be out for twenty minutes at the most to deal with some friends. She'll be fine, I promise; right, Itami-chan?"  
Itami turned around. "Wha? Who said my name?" She saw Izaya looking at her and waved. "Hiii~!" Izaya steered her in front of Namie so she could see her. "Itami, this is my new secretary, Namie Yagiri," he explained. "I need to go out for a little while; would you mind staying with her for a while?" Itami tilted her head and nodded. "Sure, sure," she said lazily, staring at Namie, who was sizing her up. "Great, see you two ladies soon!" Izaya said cheerily, walking out the door briskly. Namie scowled at Itami, who was rocking on her heels. "What do you need with Izaya?" she interrogated, and Itami thought for a moment, then snapped her fingers. "I'll only tell you if you answer ONE question, 'kay?"  
Namie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Fine," she sighed. Itami grinned. "Tell me why your sweater only covers the tops of your chest! It's quite sexy and I wanna how you doooooo thaaaaat~?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Namie, where're we goin'?" Itami drawled childishly as Izaya's secretary was dragging her sedated self to somewhere in the infobroker's apartment. "Somewhere for you to sleep or something," she replied icily. "Somewhere where you can be out of my hair until Izaya gets back to take you home or something." Itami shook her head drunkenly and said, "Ya know, I think I may stay here tonight; you and Eeeeeezaya are so nice to me!" She laughed her head off, and tripped on a table in the hallway. "Ouchie," she hissed, feeling a dulled pain from her CIP kicking back in, but enough to feel something.

Namie growled in annoyance and set Itami down on a couch at the far end of the building. "Just stay here, and don't touch anything or bother me," she ordered, and Itami gave her a small salute. Namie sighed, and Itami plainly called out, "Heyyyy, Namie-chan!" The pessimistic brunette stepped back into the room. "What?" she snapped. Itami grinned. "You and Izaya have way too much sexual tension, just to let you know; you guys should just screw and get it over with…" With that, she cheered and started running around the room. Namie sighed and left the girl to deal with a mountain of paperwork Izaya had dumped on her the day before. _What an idiot… _

Itami sighed and stared at the room she was in after she became bored of running around. She traced a large window with her fingers and started people watching again. "Bald security guard, bald security guard, fat lady who won't get laid in her lifetime, bald security guard—Hey, Eeeezaya!" she cried, pointing at a smirking man in a parka, who was running from a man in a bartending outfit. Itami jumped up and cheered. "Ooh, Shizuo's here! And for some reason, he's a lot sexier looking now that my pills have kicked in!" She giggled like mad and ran to Namie, who was typing furiously on a computer. "Namie-chan! Namie-chan! Namie-chan!" Itami said, bouncing up and down. Namie glowered at her. "What. Do. You. Want?" she hissed, and Itami dragged her to the nearest window. "Look, look," she said, pointing. "It's Eeeezaya and Shizuo!"

A dulled _crash! _could be heard from the office, and a loud yell. "IZAYA! WHERE'S THE CHICK?! AND IF YOU'VE HURT SOMEONE ELSE LIKE HER AT ALL, I SWEAR—" Another crash, and Namie sighed while Itami laughed. "C'mon, idiot," Namie said, taking Itami by the hand and hurrying downstairs. Itami frowned and tossed her black ponytail back over her shoulder. "Whaaaaat? Izaya's gonna be fine against that douchebag," she whined. Namie frowned and shook her head, and they both went into an elevator. "I just want you out of here, and this seems like a good opportunity…" Itami tapped the smooth walls of the moving cubicle, and she smiled dreamily. "Who do you think is hotter; Shizuo or Eeeezaya? Oh! That reminds me, I need an address or something that Izaya said he gave you, Namie-chan," she said, holding out her hand drunkenly. Namie sighed and took out the aforementioned scrap of paper, and rolled it into Itami's palm.

"Yay, thanks!" Another crash shook the elevator, and both Itami and Namie frowned. "They're so immature, making people pay taxes for their crap," Itami said slowly, blinking rapidly in anger. Namie shrugged, and the door slid open. When they walked out, Shizuo and Izaya had made the lobby into a warzone: Multiple pieces of broken walls and objects littered the floor, and rubble was sprinkled over everything. Itami noticed that Shizuo was cut pretty badly across his chest, and that Izaya was wielding a flickblade. Slowly, her drugged mind put the pieces together, and she came to a logical solution: Run in between them and stop Somewhat Sexy Shizuo from hurting Eeeezaya!

She broke from Namie's grip, and ran to Shizuo before he could throw an office chair at Izaya. "Shizuo, cut it ouuuuuut!" she said like a toddler, pouting and her arms crossed. "I'm fine, and Eeeeezaya was just being nice to me!" Shizuo stopped mid throw, and stared at her. Izaya smirked still and put his flickblade away. "Well, aren't you brave, stepping into a monster's line of fire," he commented silkily, and Itami turned on one heel to face him angrily. "And YOU!" She marched up to him and wagged a finger in his face. "One: Just cause you're sexy looking and sounding doesn't mean you have to be such a…a… Jerkface!" He stared at her, and the room was deadly silent. "Second: Don't wear a parka if you're gonna act all flaming and everything, because otherwise people can legitimately call you a gay Eskimo."

Namie scoffed in disbelief and amusement, and Shizuo smirked slightly. About time someone else realized that flea was a damn gay Eskimo… "Finally!" she barked. "Don't hurt Shizuo so much! I know he's a douche sometimes too, and sometimes gets too angry and breaks stuff that hurts the economy, but he doesn't deserve to get slashed across the chest!" She nodded firmly and patted his head before walking to Shizuo. Her fingers traced the wound, and she winced before looking up at him. "Doesn't that _hurt _you?" she asked, and Shizuo shrugged. "Er, kinda, I guess. You drunk or somethin'?" he replied. Itami giggled like mad. "No, I just had some of my CIP pills, so I can feel pain a little now!" she explained. Her hands flew to her pockets and she waved the bottle around. "See? Warning: Will make you giddy off your bum, and then sleepy," she said.

She returned the bottle to her coat and took Shizuo's hand. "C'mon," she urged, "I don't want you to get cut by that BIG FREAKING BULLY NAMED EEEEEEZAYA!" Her last words were emphasized as she looked back at Izaya, and walked Shizuo out of the building. When the door shut behind them, Itami frowned, looking out at the now nighttime sky. "Shizuo, what time is it?" she asked, and he looked at his barely used cell phone. "9:18, I think," he grumbled, and she stamped her foot. "Dangit! I have to get home, but I can't drive cuz I'll I get into an accident since I'm hopped up!" She wailed, and she gripped Shizuo's shoulders. "Do you have an apartment nearby? I don't want to take a cab since my wallet's at home, and I'll even pay you when I get home tomorrow!" she begged childishly, down on her knees. He stared at her, and she made her eyes wide into puppy dog's eyes. He sighed and pulled her up. "Fine, whatever, " he said, walking with her down the busy street. "Just…Um…"

He trailed off when he saw that Itami was near tears. "What is it?" he asked bluntly, and Itami threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry I was ruuuude, Shizuo," she sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm a total bitch, and I thought you were a jerk, and I still kinda do, but I was still being a bitch and I'm sorrrrrrryyy!" Shizuo raised an eyebrow and let her cry as they walked, wondering what the hell kind of drugs she was on. Finally, she stopped and rubbed her eyes. "These pills make me sleepy," she said simply, and she stumbled on the road a little. "Anyway, Shizuo, I have a question," she said. "What?" Shizuo asked, confused. "Do you hate me?" she asked, not really looking sad, just…curious. Shizuo shrugged. "I guess I don't HATE ya," he grunted. He glanced at her. "But you can be annoying as hell."

Itami nodded eagerly. "Cool, I think you're sometimes annoying as hell too! And I don't hate you either!" she piped, and she pinched his tie. "Did you buy this, Shizuo? From the look of the tag, it's custom tailored; I never knew bodyguards could make that much money…" Shizuo stiffened and shook his head. "It was a gift from my brother," he replied, and Itami suddenly jumped to fiddle with her purse. A few seconds later, a cigarette was in her hands, and she held it out for Shizuo. "You're getting more annoyed," she explained. "I saw you stiffen, so I don't want you to get angry. At least, not while I'm around." She looked at him soulfully, and he put the cigarette in his pockets. "Um, thanks, I guess," he said uncomfortably as she stared.

As they walked—Well, as Shizuo dragged an increasingly more tired Itami to his apartment, Itami kept staring up at him every few seconds, and finally Shizuo couldn't stand it anymore. "Why the hell do you keep staring at me?" he snapped, and she giggled. "It's not every day I make an enemy that turns into an acquaintance," she explained. "Besides…." Itami giggled and looked away. "You look kinda cute when you're annoyed…Like a puppy almost!" Shizuo turned red (though from embarrassment or rage, I honestly don't know) and swung his building's door open as he pulled Itami up the stairs. When they reached his apartment, Itami noticed that Shizuo still had a deep cut on his chest. "Oh no, you're still bleeding!" she moaned. "Do you have any gauze or hydrogen peroxide?" He shrugged, and she sighed, feeling more and more drowsy. "Well, do you wanna see a doctor?" she asked quietly, and he thought about that for a moment. He touched his wound, and noticed that it _was _pretty deep. "Probably should," he muttered.

Itami prepared to walk him out the door, and she pointed at a soda near the fridge. "Mind if I drink that? I need caffeine if I'm gonna escort you to the hospital without you getting in trouble by hitting Akira again." The strongman nodded briskly, and she guzzled it down like water. He took her arm, and she nearly choked on the soft drink with the amount of force he had on her arm. "You should sleep when we get back though, stupid," he said. Itami saw him look back at her. "And we aren't going to the hospital."

**A/N**

**Woot, another chapter! I wrote this between classes today, so I'm sorry if it's too bad for ya to read. And for those who are wondering why I didn't have any other characters from DRRR! In this chapter, don't worry: enlightenment will come next chappy. Till then, this is Everyonesfangirl13579 saying:**

**ZOMG "World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria" came out and it is sooooo fun being a Pandaren Monk! :D**


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